I have always loved sharing my thoughts. For most of my life I’ve been what some would call passionate, others maybe aggressive. In conversations I would vehemently stand for my opinions, steady in my thoughts, hands rapidly enunciating each point. I was small, but I was fierce.
Now, I’m beginning to feel less fierce and more…unsure.
I think my mom would call it “maturing”. I’m calm, less quick to anger, a better listener. Also terrified, unstable, wobbly. Nobody shares that part of growing up. They’re all more than happy to post about wanting to stay in, early bedtimes, and favorite grocery stores but no one tells you how unnerving it is to become a new person. Of course, maybe everyone else already did that in their early twenties and here I am, a slow bloomer.
Some of it could also have to do with yoga. You see, I’m just a baby. Two hundred hours of training isn’t crap, and I am positive I haven’t immersed myself enough into my favorite philosophy. What could I possibly share that has any merit? Also, why should I post it? Even if it is something that I think is important, what are my motivations to place it here? I don’t even have any hypothetical answers because that question muddles my mind completely.
About a year ago I deleted my Facebook. It was genuinely the best decision I’ve ever made. I can say I feel more human. That’s not even an exaggeration. Without the deluge of others thoughts, I’m discovering more and more of my self. Of course, Instagram snuck up on me and became a new outlet/inlet. A place to tuck my emotions away and just be swept up in others lives. Here I was about to make Another Yoga Instagram, and I was going to put work into it. Then the resounding question – why? Oh you know, I just want to be freaking famous.
Yeah, I don’t think that’s a very good answer either. More unsettling though – while I can acknowledge the good social media does, I can’t see my place in it. Here, maybe. Instagram? I’m not sure. Facebook? Absolutely not. I come back to the reality that while it is a great place to potentially build real life connections it isn’t real life, and too many people replace social media with social interaction. Do I want to contribute to that? Or do I want to just be a plain, ol’ face to face human?
When I write out the cons to being a rebel, I come to the realization that none of those reasons should hold me back. Sure, I won’t be able to reach as many people. Maybe I won’t be able to make this ONE passion into a paycheck. Yes, I will feel a little lonely, a little less acknowledged. Then it dawns on me, that’s all my Ego talking. I already have a career plan that has nothing to do with yoga. When I’m lonely it just means I need to be with myself. There’s a lot of satisfaction in exploring my mind, rather than others.
If I did maintain an online space I would have to be meticulously mindful. Awareness of lying, presenting myself in a better light, and my core message would be mandatory. Still, even with that, I’m not sure it would be worth it.
What are your thoughts on social media? Do you think it’s necessary to have some kind of internet expression? Why? I would genuinely love to read your thoughts. Please share!